mercredi 14 octobre 2009

Vis ma Vie de Doc-hebdomadaire ! part. 1

Un jour comme les autres à Bahutland...

8h15.
Le long couloir s'éclaire peu à peu, j'ai encore pas mal de mètres à parcourir avant d'atteindre le C.D.I. mais je vois et j'entends déjà un petit bonhomme marteler sur la porte en continu. Des "toc, toc, toc" interminables, l'élève de dos ne change pas de posture, ça ferait deux heures qu'il frappe ainsi que je n'en serais pas étonné. je m'approche doucement, pas encore super réveillé, et je lui dis doucement "bonjour..."
- AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !"
Un bond en arrière terrible, il se fracasse contre la porte qui a déjà reçu pas mal de coups, un peu terrorisé. Pour ma part, ça y est, je suis bien réveillé. L'élève reprend peu à peu son souffle :
- Qu'est-ce que vous faites là, m'sieu ?
Soufflé que je suis, à mon tour.
- Ben euh...comment dire...j'arrive.
- Mais d'où ?
- Ben euh (bis...)...de chez moi, de ma maison...
Il se retourne et pointe le doigt vers la porte du C.D.I.
- Mais...vous habitez pas là ?
Pincez-moi, je dors, là. Je m'imagine subitement avec un lit-baquette au C.D.I., dans la réserve, avec mes plateaux-repas froids de l'armée le soir, m'endormir en lisant un des 10000 bouquins du C.D.I. à la lumière des néons, et me réveiller le lendemain courbaturé, me faisant un petit sachet Nespresso granules en attendant l'arrivée des élèves...Chienne de vie.
- Ben euh...(ter...)...non, Biloute, je vis pas ici, j'y travaille, c'est tout. J'ai une vraie maison, loin du collège.
- Ah...
Je suis un briseur de rêves...et je me soigne. Le môme s'éloigne un peu contrarié mais surtout super surpris, et il ajoute :
- C'est nul pour vous ! Je suis sûr que votre maison elle est moins bien, y'a moins de livres et de nordinateurs !"
C'est pas faux, c'est pas faux...

*************************

9h20.
Je pars récupérer les élèves déjà en étude et qui veulent venir au CDI. Terry, un surveillant, me prévient : "y'a deux classes en étude, deux profs absents. Ils sont en surchauffe."
Bon, je m'approche doucement de la fournaise, à peine entre-je dans la salle d'étude que j'entends :
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
manquent plus que des bras levés et on se croirait à l'entrée des équipes de foot au Stade de France pour une finale de Ligue 1.
Passée cette Ola brouillonne, je lance un "bonjour, qui vient au CDI ?" et une forêt de mains est offerte à mon regard inquiet. Plus de 25 élèves = plus de gueulantes à pousser dans quelques minutes. Mais je me décide, bon seigneur, à alléger l'étude qui me paraît à bloc et 25 élèves me suivent comme une nuée de criquets.
15 minutes après avoir rangé les sacs dans les casiers, récupéré leurs carnets de correspondance et leur avoir rappelé le règlement du lieu (en gros, tu bosses ou tu lis et surtout tu la fermes pour le respect de tous), la nuée de nuisibles prend place, les uns devant les ordis, les autres sur les fauteuils moelleux de l'espace lecture, quelques rares studieux sur les tables de travail.
L'heure va se passer à peu près calmement, une seule perturbatrice foutue à la porte 5 minutes pour se calmer un peu (les animaux moches, ça la fait rire, elle tient plus). J'ai à peu près de la chance, une heure quasi normale, je peux avancer sur les compte-rendus de projets demandés par ma hiérarchie.

10h15. La récré.
Pendant que des mômes courent dans les couloirs, échappant aux surveillants comme aux remarques de profs, ces derniers se réunissent pour un quart d'heure autour de la machine à café, de la photocopieuse, de la poubelle à clopes dans l'espace fumeur à l'extérieur. ça gueule, ça rigole, ça se consterne, ça hallucine, ça s'énerve, ça se fatigue déjà même si la journée a à peine commencée, de vrais ados. Je bouffe deux pépitos en sirotant un café noir de chez noir, on déconne avec trois collègues, la soupape de sécurité dure 10 minutes, mais elles sont précieuses.

10h30.
Le père Noël va bientôt débarquer -> suite au prochain billet...

47 commentaires:

  1. je veux la suite... t'as du retard!!!Au boulot!

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  2. Vivement le prochain acte! Au fait Vichicélestin, on peut pas sortir et écrire! Jeff a fait son choix..

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  3. Ouais, quel flemmard ce Jeff! Pourtant je suis sûr que le dimanche, il a rien d'autre à faire dans son CDI désert...

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  4. Ca y est!!!!!!!! Il est de retour!!!!!Ca commencait à me manquer ses petites phrases sarcastiques!!!!
    Pepete

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  5. Attends, texte mensonger!!! Au bahut à quelle heure? 8h15?Mais dans quel pays?En chine?

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  6. Pour ma part, ça sera plutôt des Granola. Merci
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